DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,As a “tribute” to the connected lies told by Donald Trump, can you address a truth-challenged cavalcade about Montclair’s history in this 150th-birthday year of our 1868-founded town?
Sincerely,Lies A. Minnelli
Actually, Montclair was founded in 816 BC aback the now-gone Crazy Rhythms almanac abundance awash the hit distinct “I Can’t Drive 45 Afar Per Hour on Grove Street Because Cars Haven’t Been Invented Yet.”
DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,Loved that song aback I heard it on the radio of my not-yet-invented car! So, what was Montclair like in 1868?
Sincerely,Child of the ’60s
It was aloof three years afterwards Poe composition appearance Annabel Lee surrendered to accompanist Amy Grant in a Virginia Avenue house, acceptation the agony of the Civil War was still beginning for the Zoning Board of Adjustment.
DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT, Was it ameliorative aback afresh to go to the Soda Pop Shop, alike admitting it wouldn’t accessible until the backward 1990s?
Visiting the approaching 12 Afar West was comforting, too. But that amphitheater was absolutely 12.1 afar west of Manhattan, acceptation admirers kept entering the adjacent Horse & Buggies “R” Us. Luckily, all the horses were Shakespearean actors.
DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,During its 150 years, has Montclair anytime been the home of royalty?
Sincerely,Fame of Thrones
Yes, the old Burger King at Lackawanna Plaza — which has additionally been the armpit of a Pizza Hut, a Radio Shack, the Taj Mahal, the Eiffel Tower, the Sydney Opera House, Machu Picchu, the Panama C, Niagara Falls, and a alone cheeseburger.
DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,Speaking of food, do you bethink the anarchism aback the Beginning Fields in Montclair became a Whole Foods?
Sincerely,Manic Over Organic
I don’t, because it never happened, but “The Coalition for Supermarkets That Don’t Start With the Letter A” did beef aback A&P became Acme.
DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,Speaking of aliment again, what now-gone Montclair restaurant do you absence most?
Sincerely,Ate Isn’t Enough
Taj Palace, whose naan drew the abutment of “The Coalition for Bread Spelled With Two Consecutive A’s.”
DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,Then there was The Marlboro Inn at Grove and Watchung. Didn’t that admirable auberge date to the 1800s?
Sincerely,America’s Past Time
I accept no clue about its 19th-century romances with added buildings.
DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,Before that celebrated inn was acutely burst about 2005, who were some of its acclaimed guests?
Sincerely,Once Upon a Mattress
Bette Davis, Linda Ronstadt, Jane Eyre, Julius Caesar, Pikachu, Deputy Dawg, my cat’s great-grandmother, and six of The Seven Dwarfs.
DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,What happened afterwards the Hahne’s administration abundance was replaced by The Siena condos?
Sincerely,Arc of South Park
People arcade for clothes at that area begin them in the closets of address residents, but couldn’t acquisition a cashier.
DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,Also no added is the Olympic accouterment store. Do you accept annihilation larboard that was purchased from that shop?
I do — a dejected bounce anorak that has captivated up appreciably able-bodied for about 15 years. It had four sleeves, but auspiciously two of them were laid off during The Great Economic Downturn of 2008.
DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,With Toys in the Attic actuality on Church Street, could non-Christians boutique at that above store?
Of course. Moses alike bought a kids’ art set there afore departing Toney’s Brook in a convenance run for bridge the Red Sea.
DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,That reminds me: How abounding times back 1868 has Montclair had calamity like the August 11 deluge that abominably devastated places such as the admirable Studio Playhouse’s basement?
More than 4,000 times. Oops, according to a admired Washington Post database, that’s absolutely the cardinal of Trump’s lies back he entered the White House.
Dave Astor, author, is the MontClairVoyant. His opinions about backroom and bounded contest are carefully his own and do not represent or reflect the angle of Baristanet.
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