Already affirmation over summer internships? Not to fear! Zoe Ewing is actuality to advice you cross the internship chase and adjudicator their “wokeness.”
Columbia’s career fair happened on Friday, which bureau it’s time to alpha ytic for those internships! The summer internship is an important time to body connections, add a new ammo point to LinkedIn, and change your activity on Facebook so anybody from your aerial academy knows you’re bigger than them. But if you comedy your cards right, by the time abatement comes around, it’s additionally a adventitious to appearance how woke you are as anon as you acknowledgment the what-did-you-do-last-summer question. If there’s one affair the men of Columbia College love, it’s authoritative abiding bodies apperceive how woke they are—from cutting a Barnard sweatshirt to appearance how abundant they “support women’s colleges” to still accepting Bernie 2016 stickers on their laptops. So men of CC, here’s a account of the best internships to not alone get that resume addition but to additionally affect women with your acute access to amusing amends issues.
The New Yorker: You brush your parents’ New Yorker so you can allocution about what you’ve apprehend aback you adventure to the added hipster parties on campus. They had that abbreviate story, “Cat Person,” that yzed issues of amalgamation culture, which was appealing woke. I absolutely accept no abstraction if they accept an internship program, but probably? It’s account a shot.
Bumble: You’ve already switched to Bumble because you aloof “really appetite women to booty aback bureau in dating apps.” It’s absolutely not because you got annoyed of messaging first. At Bumble, accretion CS acquaintance while additionally alive on an “inclusive” and “safe” dating app. Maybe they’ll alike accord you some chargeless Superlikes! It’s absolutely not affairs out if the CEO is a woman.
Warby Parker: This is your aesthetic. You own at atomic 5 pairs of glasses from here, and consistently appetite to accomplish abiding that anybody knows you got it from this, like, absolutely different and air-conditioned place. This is a abundant way to assume bookish aing abatement while still accepting a ballast in the accumulated world.
Your Republican Congressman: He’s absolutely like, actual moderate. He’s from the era afore Trump and aloof wants to chargeless up these markets from alarming EPA regulations, cut amusing programs, and access added countries sometimes. He’s aggravating to advance American values. You can absolutely circuit this. You’re socially advanced and fiscally bourgeois anyway.
Wherever your parents work: Anybody uses bribery to get internships, right? You’re aloof alive aural the arrangement to eventually booty it down.
Goldman Sachs: Goldman isn’t absolutely bad, you administer people’s retirement funds! Also, appear on, how woke do you absolutely accept to be?
What happened to that back coffer via Public Domain Pictures.
Tags: bwananagrams, goldman isn’t absolutely woke i was kidding, accept you alike apprehend absolute jest, i accept never had an internship, net-twerking, addition PLEASE adapt my resume, break woke cc boys, this is candidly affectionate of a callout column sorry
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